Tuesday, July 20, 2010

one month

One month ago, my mum died from liver/colon cancer. She had been fighting this disease for 3 yrs.
Not only did her death rip my heart out, but it completely changed my views on life, and death. One minute you are here, talking to those you love, the next minute you are dead, gone forever.
The only thing good about her death is she is no longer in pain. I think about what a fool I was truly believing she would or could beat this cancer. Instead of allowing her to enjoy what little time she had left of the life, I made her endure chemotherapy, and other harsh medical treatments. She loved me enough to pretend she was okay with the probing, the surgeries, and the side effects of the toxins that were pumped into her continuously. No matter how sick it made her. She would tell me she wanted to stop treatment, but when she saw the sadness in my eyes, it made her change her mind; she would agree to more torturous treatment.
Without her I have no life. She was my world. When her life ended, so did any form of life in this house, in my world. I never realized how loud silence could be.
I would have done anything to keep her alive. In the end she chose Hospice.

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